How do you take your fantasy to reality in the bedroom?
Kink is where we get a chance to get playful with our erotic desires. You can use role play, dirty talk and BDSM gear to bring creativity to the bedroom. Kink can be sensual, playful, romantic or rough - whatever mood you want to create will infuse your menu of kinky activities.
When you're getting started with kink, it can be overwhelming to know what kinky gear you need, how to use BDSM toys and how to feel confident. This takes time, so be gentle with yourself - if you're not a confident and creative Dominant the first time you try, it doesn't mean that you won't get skills and practice to grow into the Dominant you want to be.
Here are 3 Tips for Taking Your Erotic Fantasy Into Reality:
- Talk about your fantasy with your partner. Not just the sexy activity, like spanking, but talk about the mood, the vibe, visuals - how you feel while getting spanked. Do you want it to hurt? Is it more playful in your fantasy? Is it connected to a role play like teacher student? Is it about punishment or...reward? Ask them what they think is hot or not about this fantasy. Get curious about where you might intersect in desires. Ask them about their fantasies to open up a safe space to discuss what turns you both on. Create a menu of activities you want to try, go slow and pick a couple to explore. Talk about what you both need to feel safe before, during and after.
- Play with sensations. Create contrasts between speed, textures and temperature. Explore with ice cubes or spanking with a wooden spoon vs. a silicone spatula. Try drinking a cup of hot tea, swallowing and then places your warm mouth on your partner's genitals while they squirm and moan.
- Get into your senses. While kinky porn shows us extreme versions of kink (because it's entertaining, and porn is performance), kinky things happen on a continuum and you get to choose the speed and intensity. Start with doing things you already enjoy, for example oral sex, but add in a sensory exploration. Try giving or receiving oral with hands restrained or eyes blindfolded or a ball gag in the mouth of the receiver.