Who would you be if you liked yourself a little more?

I disconnected from myself in my marriage.

When I got divorced over 7 years ago, I started taking burlesque classes with my bestie. My goal: to fall in love with myself. I wanted to be on my own side, take up more space, let go of betraying myself as a way of coping and find happiness in this body as it is right now. Big goals.

I lost myself in marriage, but to be honest, I didn't have a good grip on my relationship to myself before that anyways. I believed, and still sometimes do, other people's ideas about my value, worth and beauty.

Shame is the lie someone else told you about yourself -- Anais Nin

We love and live in community, from family to friends to partners to neighbors to strangers we see regularly - so it's impossible to just think your way to a better relationship with yourself.

When I teach my Sexual Confidence In and Out of the Bedroom webinar, I make sure to let people know that there isn't a look or a pose that will bring you true sexual confidence. Deep sexual confidence is more of a feeling of freedom from self-judgement. Freedom to be silly, to play, to make mistakes, to redefine sex and sexiness and to embrace the sensory pleasure of the body you're in.

Things that worked for me with consistency

🧡 Daily practice of meeting my gaze in the mirror and smiling or winking back
🧡 Sensual movement without mirrors (follow @checheluna !)
🧡 Unfollowing accounts that make me feel bad about myself or in comparison
🧡 Regular observation about the people and situations that inspire my negative self thoughts
🧡 Rub, squeeze and petting parts of me I don't like (my belly!)
🧡 Getting curious about my negative self thought
🧡 Experimenting with clothing I feel good in vs what my "body type" is supposed to wear
🧡 Choosing health practitioners with holistic approaches (thank you @lamiagibson.portal)
🧡 Interrogating my own ideas of who I'm attracted to - expanding attraction beyond the physical
🧡 Redefining my relationship with food

This shame isn't your fault. It also doesn't belong to you. We can support each other and take steps to put shame down, reclaim and untame ourselves.