CONFIDENCE…HOW DO YOU GET MORE OF IT?
Confidence is a skill and requires both practice and unlearning the lessons of sexual shame, performance anxiety and body insecurity we’ve all been exposed to.
One way you can get started is by identifying all of the possible pleasure spots your body has to offer. We often ignore or under-service erogenous zones on our bodies both during solo sex and sex with a partner. Increasing ways for our bodies and minds to feel good, can help anchor us during moments of unconfidence before and during sex.
Make a list of all your hot spots and the hot spots you’d like to sex up on your existing or potential partners.
- Are you a sucker for neck kisses (swwwwoooooon)?
- How about your toes sucked?
- Hips held?
- Head scratched?
- Nipples? Backs of thighs?
- Ear lobes sucked?
- Back kissed or scratched?
- That deliciously filthy mind of yours?
Next time you’re masturbating or with a partner, try inviting touch or kisses to these areas and notice how you feel. There might be some discomfort or delight. Run through the range of your senses – where can you pull in more potential pleasure stimuli? Think scents, sexual aesthetics, touch, sounds of sex and dirty talk, and tastes. Sometimes we are so orgasm-focused, we miss the opportunities to create more arousal…which leads to more relaxation, more affirmation of all the sexiness and more opportunities for communicating desire with touches, gazes, moans and dirty talk. Slowing sex down with body worship can also send adoration to the parts of yourself that hold shame, insecurity or anxiety.
Communicate what you like as part of getting your head into the game for sex and distracting from all the things anxiously telling you you’re not hot enough. Try communicating what you’d like to happen by:
- Whispering it
- Begging for it
- Eagerly suggesting it
- Asking what they think about this sexy and playful idea you have
- Sharing a masturbation fantasy with them and asking what they think
- Writing it on your body
- Leaving out a prop (e.g. wooden spoon with ‘spank me’ written on it, your favourite sex toy and a bottle of lube or an erotic book with a blindfold)
- Sexting it to them earlier in the day
Whatever you experience, just be mindful of it – the ways your body can give and receive pleasure go beyond any satisfaction we think we are missing out on from not being thin enough, young enough or hard enough. Redefine your idea of ‘sexy’, slow sex down to build arousal and confidence, and take a curious and playful approach to discovering new ways to get mentally and physically turned on. Be present in the pleasure your body has the potential to give you!
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