Does seducing your partner always have to lead to having sex with them?
Seduction is about teasing - it's the art of wielding desire to entice someone. That enticement doesn't have to end in sex. Often seduction gets portrayed in pop culture as a definite slope towards sexy time and is used when you want to turn someone on. Seduction can also be healing, bonding, affirming and relaxing - without necessarily leading to sex.
Sometimes when we expect a particular pattern out of someone's seductive behaviour, we might get excited at the possibility of sex - but we also might get anxious if we're not really in the mood but don't want to disappoint our partner's seductive efforts. Some of us might feel pressure to oblige, others might be intimidated by doing the seduction and so sex stays in a one-way initiative pattern. Others might feel they want to seduce their partner, but they don't feel confident doing it - so it feels stressful. Take the pressure off and enjoy the desire seduction inspires.
Tease me, please me.
Seduction and tease for the sake of creating conditions for your partner to feel sexy (and for you to feel sexy as the giver!) can create a more open sexual energy between the two of you. It allows you to feel what's happening in the present moment, without any pressure or anticipation of what might be next. Seduction raise the sexual energy between you two, and you can allow it to linger and enjoy feeling desire and desired - without a focused goal of sex. If sex happens, awesome. If not, awesome.
Approaching seduction this way allows you to:
- Feel sexy in moments where there isn't time or space for sex - think busy mornings, full houses, tough schedules
- Express desire and make your partner feel desired with no expectation other than to receive
- Builds the practice of adoring, noticing and flirting with each other, so when sexy time does come - you're jumping in from a place that isn't dependent only on the hottness in the moment. You're keeping your desire cup full!
Use seduction to initiate sexy feelings.
Create anticipation and inspire confidence even when you're not in the mood for sex. Feeling sexy is practice. It's easy to numb out this part of ourselves except when we are in the bedroom. Feeling sexy is also connected to feeling more confident, more present in your body and more receptive to pleasure - sexual and non-sexual. Try these fun seductive moves:
- Text your partner something naughty you're remembering from the last time you had sex. Tell them what you liked, what you remembered about them and how it's making you feel. Example: 'hey babe, I was thinking about the last time you went down on me and how sexy it was to see you hungry between my legs - it's making me crave your touch. Hope you're having a great day, I'm thinking about you ;)'
- Touch your partner with affection that lingers. If they are cooking at the stove - come behind them and put your hands on their hips and kiss the back of their neck slowly and leave your lips there while you inhale their scent. Ask if you can help with anything or go back to doing something else.
- Compliment with with adoration. If you're saying goodbye, look into their eyes, smile and tell them something specific about their body or personality that turns you on.
- Kiss slowly and intentionally. Making out doesn't always have to lead to sex. If you don't have time or aren't in the mood, making out is still a great way to connect, show desire and initiate arousal.
Take the pressure off of seduction being a path to sex and enjoy the sexiness of the moment. Help your partner feel themselves and celebrate your own sexy ability to connect through seduction. More than a tool to get you to sex, seduction becomes another way to communicate, receive and adore each other.