Is there a best way to give oral sex?

Yes and No.

There is a way that works for you or your partner - and that might differ depending on how you’re feeling in body, mind and relationship. Our bodies might enjoy different things on different days or when we’re in different moods. Oral sex isn’t a one size fits all, but there are common mistakes we might make and patterns for best techniques that many people enjoy.


1. Harder, faster is not always better.

When we watch most mainstream porn, we often see oral sex that is all about a pointy tongue, deep throating and aggressive licking. Some penises and clits will enjoy this, but even if this is what your partner enjoys - starting oral sex at this intensity will kill your stamina. 

If you’re doing something that’s working for your partner and they tell you that they are close to orgasm - keep that speed and intensity, don’t always assume an increase is going to get them there better or faster.

2. Giving dry oral.

You don’t have an endless spit supply and neither do I. Staying hydrated by keeping a glass of water is one way to avoid dry oral sex, but another way is to use lube. Most quality water-based and silicone lubes are not going to have any taste. Try this Pjur water-based lube or if you’re looking for a body safe flavoured lube, my faves are from Wicked (I like the mango or butterscotch flavours!).

3. Rushing to the finish.

Savour the build up. Go slow and grow. Oral sex may be a way to orgasm, or you might be building up to other activities, enjoying and relaxing your partner with oral pleasure without orgasm, or maybe you’re edging your partner with your mouth. Skipping the opportunity to warm your partner up with slow and intentional oral sex means you might be missing out on giving more intense pleasure.


1. Bring in a sex toy for oral sex.

Toys can help us with stamina - giving our mouth a break while still continuing pleasure. Sex toys can also provide combination pleasure. Here are some sex toy ideas for oral sexy:

  • Try using a penis stroker that has an opening like this one
  • Use a vibrator on the shaft. The Nova 2 by We-Vibe can be used for G-spot play or as a vibrating stroker on a penis
  • Use a wand style vibrator behind the testicles to give external stimulation to the prostate
  • Cock rings can provide extra stimulation at the base of the penis while you work the head or testicles with your mouth


  • Wand style toys on the mons pubis area (the fleshy part of the pelvis above the clitoris) can stimulate deep rumbly vibrations to the internal parts of the clitoris
  • Internal sex toys like dildos or vibrators can provide dual stimulation in cooperation with your mouth (fingers get tired!)


  • Butt plugs can add prostate pleasure, and for vulvas they can create a sensation of fullness and stimulation from the nerves around the butthole. The Njoy Pure plug is a good shape for oral sex on any body because of its curve and shape, it won’t pop out of the body easily. 
  • Prostate toys with or without vibration can be fun additions to oral sex

2. Blindfold your partner.

If your partner is up for being blindfolded, they might experience more relaxation and more sensitivity to sensation from oral sex. When we take away one of the body’s senses during sex, other senses get heightened. Some people find being blindfolded can also give them a feeling of letting go or surrendering, which can help you feel more present to what sensations your body is receiving from your partner’s mouth.

3. Get more pleasure from giving.

Tune into your partner’s pleasure and enjoy the changes in their breath, body movements, sounds and other signs of arousal. Can you rotate your pleasure focus through your own senses? Tune into how they taste, smell, feel, sound and look like. 

You can also stimulate yourself hands-free with a butt plug, cock ring, wearable internal vibrator or a powerful wand vibrator.

4. Warm up the rest of the body first.

Touch and tease them everywhere except their genitals. What other hot spots can you find on their body? Lick, touch, kiss, massage, stroke, grab, tease other hot spots. Make out, grind, cuddle and feel how their energy and tension shifts into more openness for pleasure. Fuller body arousal gives blood flow time to maximize in erectile tissue (places like clits and penises). More blood flow means more sensitivity and receptiveness to stimulation.


Oral sex doesn’t have to end in orgasm. It can be something you do on the way to other types of sex or something for the relaxation pleasure of the sensations. Approaching oral sex with curiosity for feedback is the best way to learn what works for your partner.

Check out my Eat Pussy Like a Champ, Best BJ and Eat Booty Like a Boss on-demand webinars!



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