Unicorn shares exclusive secrets from the herd.
Unicorns are typically single women who desire sexual experiences with couples. They are called Unicorns because they are elusive, everyone wants one but they are hard to find. One of the reasons they are so hard to find is that sometimes the Unicorn's needs get treated as secondary to the couple's fantasy.
Many threesome goers are well-intentioned and have all the same goals - have a sexy, safe and fun group sex experience. But, the threesome can go awry for many reasons, and get real awkward, real quick. There are strategies you can use to find a Unicorn, avoid threesome awkwardness and to be a great couple for your third.
Overtime and through communication and confidence building, I've learned to identify 10 things that make me want to hump a couple once or thrice.
Here are 10 Things That Couples Do That Make Me Want to Fuck Them:
1. They care about what I want out of the experience.
A huge Unicorn pet peeve is that couples approach finding a Unicorn like shopping for an inanimate object, like a toaster. The best couples I’ve played with have been just as interested in my desires, fantasies and boundaries as their own. They are inquisitive from the get go about what would make a hot threesome for ME. This curiousness about my pleasure opens up creativity for all kinds of three-way hotness that we can plug into.
Couples who write in their profiles what they have to offer a Unicorn are definitely couples I’m curious about vs. couples who write “looking to bring a hot woman into our bedroom, no drama”. Whether it’s one night or many, it has to be about my pleasure too, and inviting that communication from the initial contact has usually lay the foundation for a sexier threesome.
2. Everyone takes turns being the center of attention.
Many threesomes end up being about pleasing just one person – and that person is usually one of the two in the couple. For example, in a male/female couple, the driving desire could be to fulfill someone's fantasy of having two women in their bed. While this can be a hot fantasy for some Unicorns, let’s not assume it is the default because it is porno-popular.
Threesomes that involve all of us taking turns worshipping and pleasuring one person at a time, makes for hot voyeuristic and exhibitionistic experiences where everyone is involved. This could be things like:
- Two people go down on one person together
- Three-way massage chain
- One person kisses the center of attention, while another person gives them oral
- Someone massages one person while another person uses a vibrator on them
- One person gets penetrated while giving oral to someone else
Not all Unicorns are uniform in their desires. Talking about sexy scenes before things get down and dirty is a great way to discover these sexy opportunities before naked time. Ask the question: What kinds of threesome scenes do you like? And then build on the answers to dirty talk about potential scenes that involve all three people in ways that center their own pleasure.
3. They both flirt with me.
Sometimes right from the hatching of a threesome (think chatting online), it's obvious that one person is doing the emotional labour of threesome strategizing. While it's great that someone in the group takes initiative for the 'social lubing' of the situation, the connection can feel unbalanced in a budding threesome. It's easy to forget that as we pursue a sexual fantasy, that the fantasy itself isn't the only socket we can plug into for seduction and pleasure.
My worst threesomes have been where it’s obvious one person isn’t into the scenario, but wants to fulfill their partner’s fantasy. Their focus often ends up being on performing for their partner and the tension is obvious around unspoken boundaries, insecurities or jealousy. This can create an awkwardness around sensuality and affection and may end up making the Unicorn feel like just an extra vulva for the night.
My best first date with a couple felt like they both flirted with me as individuals *and* as a couple. I could see their connection and affection for each other, and for me. They both asked me engaging questions and flirted with me using eye contact, touch and humour. I felt they were both on board equally for themselves to play with me, and also to enjoy the pleasure of watching each other with me.
4. They aren’t “Unicorn-hunters”.
Unicorn-hunting is a phrase used to describe couples who are searching for a single woman to join their sexy times. This can lead to some really annoying behaviour right from the profile, to the conversation to the actual date. It treats the Unicorn as something to be conquered - something that is both desirable but threatening at the same time. In situations like this I've ended up feeling like an invited intruder.
I like couples who write profiles that showcase their fun qualities or what sexy things they have to offer a Unicorn. For example, 'fun couple who loves to give and receive oral is looking for a Unicorn to pleasure'.
Here are examples of behaviours that are common among couples' profiles (that I recommend you avoid):
- Writing ‘seeking a woman to join us. No drama’. If there is any drama to be had, it existed before I got into your bed.
- Having only photos of one half of the couple on the profile. This is a threesome right?
- Having photos that are inanimate objects, baby pics, memes, or headless. While physical attraction is only one factor and discretion is important, try a little harder to give me a sense of what you look like.
- Writing ‘Looking to spice up our relationship with a woman’. I’m going to be bringing spice to your relationship, and you’ll be providing me with what….uncooked rice? Tell Unicorns what you have to offer as a sexy couple.
- Having only a wedding photo as their profile pic. Unless you're going to have a threesome in your full bridal make up, freshly cut hair and a tux, then I want to see what you actually look like.
5. Their focus is initially on me.
Imagine going to dinner with a couple and they just talk about their lives, share inside jokes and occasionally pass you the salt. With an established couple, the focus should be on the third person you’ve brought in, especially until she is comfortable and feels your sexy confidence. While taking turns being the center of attention is important, the initial focus should enthusiastically be on making me feel comfortable, welcomed and pleasured. Approaching a threesome this way can drastically reduce the heaviness that can arouse from couples' privilege.
One of my favourite couples I played with, really got off on watching each other pleasure me. It felt effortless to give and receive because we were all enjoying from different angles and aspects at all times. I didn’t bear the burden of making sure I wasn’t causing ‘drama’ by expressing my desires or showing enthusiasm. I didn’t have to worry about dividing the attention equally, of not taking up too much space or of being too affectionate – I just enjoyed them both and their erotic connection to each other and to me.
6. Everyone goes down on me.
I have a special place in my heart for the awesome couple that went down on me at the same time and kissed with their faces between my legs and then came up for a three-way kiss. In a lot of threesomes, sometimes one person may feel uncomfortable or unconfident going down on the third - maybe due to lack of experience with people other than their partner or due to limits that have been set by that person or the couple. A few potential reasons why sometimes oral gets skipped in threesomes:
- Oral sex rules could have been set between the couple without anyone informing me.
- Oral sex could be seen as something not part of a casual encounter, it could be considered too intimate.
- There could be a squeamishness or concern over fluids exchanged through oral.
- Additional squeamishness over kissing with another person’s fluids on their lips.
- The emphasis of the fantasy could be on other things, like penetration, and oral sex is neglected.
- Someone may be unconfident with their oral sex skills and it could feel vulnerable to try to figure out a new partner’s body in the moment.
All of these concerns can be valid and should be communicated and negotiated between the couple and with the Unicorn prior to the threesome. For example, fluid exchange can be reduced by using barriers, like dental dams for oral. Inexperience in giving oral can be a fun show n' tell scene in the threesome. No one needs to do anything they feel emotionally or physically unsafe doing, but making sure everyone is on the same page before sexy times about what kinds of things threesome 'sex' involves is important.
7. They make safety a shared responsibility.
With fluid-bonded (couples who have unprotected sex), they have sex without barriers and you both may insist on barriers between the couple and the Unicorn. Often the third is brought into the relationship with the assumption that they are more likely to be the one who has a 'higher risk' of sexually transmitted infections because she's the single one. Sometimes, instead of communication, there are assumptions about what barriers (condoms, dental dams, gloves) are being used, with which orifices and who is using them with who.
I appreciate couples that have this discussion with me from the perspective of all of our safety as a shared responsibility. My panties get even wetter with couples who also are well-versed in safer sex, for example having a discussion about recent testing, using gloves, dental dams and condoms, and doesn't presume their sexual safety is more important than mine.
I once played with a married couple that offered to use condoms with me and the wife (using different condoms for each of us). I was so touched that they wanted to equalize the penetration playing field. It wasn’t them having sex with me, it was all of us having sex with each other AND me having sex with them. Holy hotness.
8. They keep the ‘group’ in ‘group sex’ throughout the threesome.
Couples can be super focused on their fantasy as the primary hottness of the threesome, for example - seeing your partner having sex with the third person. This makes the third a dangly object in the whole thing, and neglects the pleasure opportunity of putting the 'group' in 'group sex'.
The worst couple I ever played, was with a married couple where the male partner orgasmed and tapped completely out of sex while his wife and I were still really enjoying each other…and neither her or I had orgasmed yet. He made it obvious he didn’t want to be touched, he was over it, and that she needed to wrap it up because it was getting late. I WAS SO IRRITATED. I was kissing and touching her thinking…why the fuck doesn’t he make himself useful and get some water or make us a snack or tell us we look hot and he’s going to just chill while we enjoy ourselves.
You may normally be able to roll over and go to sleep when you have climaxed but you have to step it up for a group situation because you’ll be disappointing two people with your behaviour. If you know you’re distinterested in sexual contact after you’ve orgasmed, get creative with ways you can still keep the sexy and the sensual going for the other two. Alternatively, communicate clearly and warmly that you need a little break. Read my awkward threesome moments for tips on how to keep the ‘group’ in ‘group sex’.
9. They keep their couple drama in their coupledom.
It’s important that couples maintain a situation where you both feel safe, loved and respected by each other when you bring in a third. My pleasure, time and effort should absolutely be an equal priority in the threesome. I've experienced couples where they make requests that go against my comfort but make themselves feel ‘more secure’. It's important to discuss boundaries and even turn offs before naked time. For example, you might be ok with seeing your partner penetrate or be penetrated but you might feel insecure if they show affection to the new person.
While on a date with one couple, I discovered he had cheated on her while away on a yoga retreat. She was cold on the date and eventually got drunk and told me she was ultimately partaking in this threesome to try to 'curb his desire for other women when she wasn't around'. DRAAAAAMMMMA. Needless to say, I did not have the sex with them, but that’s two hours and two glasses of wine I’ll never get back.
10. They provide aftercare.
Aftercare is a term that most BDSM and Kink enthusiasts are familiar with, it refers to the recovery time after sex where your emotional and physical needs are met as you 'come back to reality'. It can mean a conversation, food, cuddles, fresh air, a debrief about the evening. It can happen right after sex, or maybe as a check-in a few days later. Regardless if your Unicorn is only for one night - inviting her to tell you what would close off this sexy threesome experience warmly, can be a very kind and responsible thing.
After having a delicious threesome with a couple I had met on a swingers site, I remember lying in the awkward sex coma afterwards and really thinking that I would like to cuddle with them before I left. Before I could even ask, they both invited me with words and touch to snuggle up in between them in a spoon sandwich and just slow our breathing and cool off together. Some threesome goers find this too intimate and some couples want to immediately return to their coupledom - so think about what you're able to provide after the threesome, perhaps just a naked chat over a bowl of strawberries for 20 mins and also invite your Unicorn to tell you if there's anything they enjoy post-threesome-sex.
While not all Unicorns have the same desires and pet peeves that I do - the best thing that couples and Unicorns can do is talk about what makes the threesome sexy for them all. Learn and practice communication strategies for group sex and get skills to minimize awkwardness and maximize pleasure in your threesomes. Happy threesome-ing!
Ready for some practical threesome tips?
Check out my How to Have a Threesome On-demand Webinar or book a one-on-one Pleasure Coaching Session.