SEX IS A SKILL.
If you’re like me, cooking can mean frying two eggs and warming toast. If you’re also like me, maybe you’ve got a digital collection of recipes you have to try, wishlists of restaurants you want to go to, unused kitchen gadgets (I apologize to my neglected crockpot) and maybe even a few cookbooks kicking around. You enjoy, delight in and desire delicious food. Do you also desire delicious sex?
Cooking is a skill. Sex is also a skill. Sure you can make do and manage getting food into your body one way or another. But, if there was a way to get more nourishment, pleasure and joy from food, would you want it?
SHOVE OVER SHAME
The sex education most of us got in high school focused on reproduction and biology – only one area of sex and sexuality. Pleasure, navigating trauma and shame, dealing with desire, understanding arousal, queer sex, gender diversity, making sex more than penetration and orgasms, deepening and diversifying orgasms, exploring erotic imagination….all of these skills we were mostly left to figure out on our own and many of us relied on porn as our instructor. Porn can be hot, but it’s performance and entertainment.
Think about areas of your sex life where you either way to try something new, overcome shame or lack of confidence or are simply curious about fantasies and unexplored desires.
MAKE A LIST:
- What fantasies are you curious about?
- What sex activities are you curious about?
- Are there fetishes or activities that you wonder why anyone is into that?
- Do you have any desires you’re ashamed of?
- Where do you feel unconfident in your sexuality? (e.g. body, performance anxiety, etc)
- What makes you feel sexy?
- What sex positions or acts make you feel confident? Which ones do you wish you were more confident in?
- If you could have a sexy superpower – what would it be?
Getting curious is a great way to start approaching sex as a skill and taking inventory of your desires, challenges and confidence. Taking classes, doing research and finding like-minded online or in-person sex-positive communities are great ways to start to think of sex as both a skill and as infinitely creative.