Is there any pleasure for the giver of strap-on sex?
Strap-on sex might appear to only provide pleasure for the person receiving penetration. Does the giver of strap-on sex get any pleasure? YES! There are a lot of sources of pleasure that can vary from person to person. Why do people make the assumption there’s no pleasure for the giver? With strap-on sex you’re using equipment like strap-on sex harnesses and dildos. Sex toys sometimes have a stereotype or an association with being a disconnect from pleasure because they aren’t naturally occurring parts of our bodies. I see sex toys as extensions of our bodies. They are partners in our pleasure, they help us create sensations to add more pleasure to our sex.
Why do people strap it on for sex?
- Gender affirmation
- To explore gender (gender fuckery, gender play)
- To fulfill a partner’s fantasy (here’s my blog on how to ask for pegging)
- To experiment with a different way of penetrating their partner - you get to have infinite dildo size, textures, firmness choices for penetration
- To fulfil a fantasy or vibe - sensual strap-on sex, rough strap-on sex, pegging
- To change up who gets penetrated
- To give double penetration (with bio penis or two dildos)
- To explore being a top/giver or power exchange like dominance and submission
- To try something new
- To give their partner pleasure
What pleasure does the strap-on wearer get?
Physical pleasure
Wearers of the harness and dildo can get physical pleasure from insertable double-ended dildos, mini vibrators tucked into harnesses or vibrating strap-on dildos, and even from thrusting. Thrusting against the pelvis can give indirect stimulation to the urethral sponge and parts of the clitoris. The mons pubis, the fleshy part on top of the pubic bone, can be an erogenous zone because of its proximity to the clitoris. Givers might also get pleasure from the hands, mouths and bodies of the receiver. Depending on the position chosen, the receivers mouth or hands might be available to stimulate parts of the givers body.
Sexy visuals
Watching your dildo slide in and out of a vagina, mouth or anus can be incredibly arousing. Givers might enjoy the positions of their partners’ bodies during penetration - seeing legs spread or asses up might be very erotic to watch. Some people really enjoy watching their partners facial expressions change or seeing the way their body squirms or ‘fucks back’ during penetration. Who doesn’t like a visual of their partner riding their strap-on?!
Erotic connection
Strap-on sex is sex. There may not be emphasis on roleplaying or power exchange, strapping it on can be a regular item on your sexual menu. Your strap-on sex might make you feel like you belong in your sexiness or might affirm feelings of being a Top, Dominant or masc, or simply yourself. Erotic connection can come from your erotic imagination too - embodying the sexiness of strapping it on can open up feelings of erotic and sexual confidence. Strap-on giving can bring up intense feelings of erotic connection.
Intimacy and Affection
A lot of mainstream porn has shown strap-on givers as aggressive, assertive and rough. Strap-on play can be another vessel to show intimacy and affection with a partner. The joy of giving penetration, kissing or eye gazing during penetration and sharing in the physical pleasure of being connected through strap-on sex.
Sensuality
Strap-on sex can be a super sensual experience if you want it to be. From thrusting sensually, to sensual warm ups and aftercare, strap-on sex is full of emotional and physical sensations. Sensuality can be about romance and softness, but it can also be about igniting all of our senses and feeding them - so think about music choices, sex blanket textures, dildo textures, sensual massages, anal aftercare and slowing things down.
Fantasy fulfilment
You might be into strap-on play because your partner asked you to help fulfil their fantasy. As long as you don’t feel obligated, it can be really fun to be the ‘producer’ of someone’s strap-on sex or pegging fantasy. You get to watch your partner sink into their vulnerable space of taking their fantasy into reality. They might have different pleasure responses, like different body movements or moans or eye contact. You get to experience their sex with the same person but from a different prism. For other givers the fantasy fulfilment is about their strap-on sex fantasy - of being able to penetrate their partner. Fantasies can include specifics connected to equipment like wanting a tentacle or unicorn horn dildo.
Playing with control
Are you usually the one being penetrated? You might enjoy playing with being the penetrator instead of being penetrated. The pleasure can be from control, from feeling powerful, from feeling like the activator/doer, from feeling into Top or Dominant energy, or other control vibes.
Gender Affirmation and Gender Play
Strap-on sex can facilitate feelings of gender affirmation. Strap-on dildos are cocks and penises. Strap-on sex givers can feel gender affirmed beyond the tools - the ability to penetrate or continue penetration beyond erections can open up feelings of confidence and identity. Strap-on sex can also be a way to play with gender for the giver - whether that’s fulfilling their partner’s fantasy of getting penetrated or giving a place to expand their gender.
Surfing the pleasure of their receiver
Seeing, hearing and feeling someone else’s pleasure can produce arousal and pleasure in the giver. Givers might enjoy hearing moans, seeing body grinding or writhing, or feeling how their partners touch/kiss/eye gaze differently when they are being penetrated. There’s a connection from being a facilitator of someone’s pleasure and sharing in feeling like you are giving and receiving pleasure at the same time.
Get more pleasure by choosing the right equipment for you.
Strapping it on means choosing the right dildos and harnesses for the type of experience you want to have, and learning some strap-on sex or pegging techniques. Some of the joy is in finding the right equipment and doing the learning of a new sexy skill together.
Check out my DILDO collaboration with Freely Toys! We created the pegging dildo of my dreams, meet BUBBLES.
What’s your strap-on sex pleasure?
Thinking about what pleasure you get out of giving can help you create strap-on sex experiences to maximise that pleasure. Into sexy visuals? Do it in front of a mirror. Fulfilling a dragon sex fantasy? Get that dragon dick dildo you’ve been eyeing. Share your pleasure goals with your partner and hear what pleasure they get out of being on the receiving end of your strap-on sex joy!
