Sexual health is a part of overall health, but it can often be hard to get accurate and inclusive information.

Harmful myths about sexual intimacy can create feelings of self-judgement, shame and pressure about sex. Busting myths can decrease barriers to pleasure and increase sexual happiness. Here are 5 Myths About Men's Pleasure busted:

1. Men are always ready for sex. 

  • Desire for sex can be affected by stress, medications, health issues, fatigue, relationship tension and body insecurity. Sometimes a change in desire is a normal fluctuation. 
  • Being in the mood for sex doesn’t just mean having an erection. Men can have erections in non-sexual situations and sexual arousal is a result of many different things including mental, emotional and physical stimulation. If you’re planning sex only around erections, you might be missing out on other ways to get turned on!
  • Arousal can show up in other ways too like increased heart rate, body heat and changes in breath. Think about how your mental or emotional state shifts as you sink into sex.

2. Good sex means ejaculation every time.

  • There’s an assumption that sexual satisfaction is determined by ejaculation. Sexual satisfaction is a feeling, not an activity or event.
  • Orgasm and ejaculation are separate events in both penises and vulvas. You can have an orgasm without ejaculating.
  • Good sex can include orgasms, it can also include other pleasure rewards like intimacy, connection, fun, relaxation, stress relief, a rush of feel good chemicals in the body and excitement.
  • Good sex might include other types of orgasms from stimulation to other erogenous zones like prostates or nipples.

    3. Men always want to take control in the bedroom.

    • Masculine stereotypes lead us to believe that all men want to take control in the bedroom. Being expected to initiate, innovate and lead sex can create a lot of pressure and insecurities.
    • Giving and receiving aren’t inherently gendered. You can take control or surrender control in ways that feel affirming of your pleasure without attaching to ideas of femininity or masculinity. Focus on what feels good for both partners.
    • Good bedroom communication includes talking about your fantasies, getting curious about your partner’s fantasies and discovering what each other desires.

    4. Sex toys are for vulvas only.

    • Almost any sex toy can be used on any body.
    • Sex toys can meet our bodies needs whether we are single or in a relationship.
    • There are sex toys specifically designed with penis pleasure in mind. Some sex toys give similar sensations to handjobs or blowjobs, and other toys focus on completely new sensations like heat or texture. The ArcWave Voy stroker is a serious upgrade from the early days of Fleshlights. It has a tension adjustment and a super soft but textured silicone sleeve inside - perfect for spicing up masturbation or partnered sex like hand jobs.
    • Sex toys are innovating with penis pleasure anatomy in mind, so we’re seeing improved cock rings, penis strokers, ‘guybrators’ or penis vibrators, prostate massagers and penis pumps.
    • Even if you’re not using a sex toy for penis pleasure - get some good quality lube to create a better texture for self-stroking or for penetrating vulvas and anuses.

    5. There’s only one type of orgasm for men.

    • Ears, necks, ribs, lower back, inner thighs, perineums, prostates, nipples, are all examples of other erogenous zones on the body that can build arousal and even orgasm.
    • Nipplegasms, analgasms and prostate orgasms are under-serviced erogenous zones that respond well to erotic stimulation because of all the nerve endings available.
    • Prostate massagers, like Aneros Helix Syn Trident Silicone Prostate Massager, can help take the guesswork out of finding the prostate because of their curvy shapes.


    "I'd never been to this kind of workshop before, so I was a bit nervous at first, but Luna was so relaxed she put the whole room at ease and soon we were laughing and discussing creative ideas together."