Bondage is a super sexy way to bring sensations, consensual power exchange and kink into the bedroom.

You might be playing out an erotic fantasy or be fascinated by a particular kind of bondage restraint like shibari or leather cuffs. Or you might want to try something new in the bedroom and break out of a rut! Whether you’re wondering how to get started with BDSM, what BDSM toys are best for beginners, or how to keep BDSM play sexy and safe, here are ways to get started with bondage:

Bondage Communication

Consensual bondage means both the person being tied up and the person tying are on the same page about what’s going to happen. Before you get started, think about what you’re interested in and wanting to explore - and then talk about your bondage fantasy with your play partner.

When taking your BDSM fantasy into real life, here are some questions to ask yourself and your partner: 

What is the bondage fantasy about?

Get into the details of the fantasy and get really curious about the vibes, activities, feels and desires.

How do you want to feel in a bondage experience? 

  • What is the vibe of your fantasy? Fantasies of helplessness, being overpowered, being worshipped or adored, and domination can all be really fun to explore. Talking about how you want to feel and how you want your partner to feel in a fantasy can make sure you’re on the same vibe page.
  • Who is doing the restraining and who is being restrained?
  • What positions are part of your bondage fantasy?
  • What will happen once the restraints or rope bondage are in place?     
  • What will happen before the restraints go on? After they come off?
  • How will you and your partner get warmed up into a bondage state of mind?

Communication takes practice, you can do it in person, over text and consider timing. Dedicating non-sexual but private time can create a supportive space to talk about your bondage desires without the pressure of doing them right away. When your partner talks about what they want to explore, it’s great to celebrate their sharing and also talk about your questions or limits.

Are there any parts of the body that are injured, sensitive or off-limits?

If your hands are prone to going numb, it’s not a good idea to have them tied up over your head. Or if you get tired easily, it’s not going to be a good idea to agree to a long and vigorous session, set a time limit on the entire scene or be mindful of the bondage portion timing. If you don’t want your genitals or nipples involved in the bondage, let your partner know.

Protecting your body and limits means that it will be easier to have a relaxed and fun time.

What is your aftercare plan? Aftercare is what each person needs to come out of the bondage scene and back to themselves. Aftercare can be physical, emotional or both. Tops and bottoms or givers and receivers can all have aftercare needs. Aftercare ideas:

  • What would feel soothing or comforting after the bondage scene is over?
  • Would you like to cuddle, eat chocolate, give or receive massage, get rehydrated together, share a snack, take a sensual shower together?
  • De-briefing the experience: what were the hottest parts for you? What would you like to do again next time? How does your body feel now compared to before? Did any big or uncomfortable emotions come up for you during the bondage scene?
  • You can give aftercare to yourself too: listen to your fav playlist, self-massage, bath, watching a funny show, telling a friend about your experience

Tools for Erotic Bondage

Rope bondage

  • Cotton rope is great for beginners. It’s flexible, inexpensive and less likely to be abrasive on the skin. It’s great to use if you want to tie someone up and move their body around. Shop my fav affordable cotton rope in CAD or USD.
  • Learn how to tie knots that don’t cinch against the skin to protect your bottom from circulation damage. There are lots of great books and videos by educators to help you learn how to play safely with rope.
  • Learn which areas of the body are safe to tie. 
  • Keep surgical scissors nearby so you can cut through the rope if needed. 
  • My Beginner Bondage Kit to get everything you need to get started with bedroom bondage - and in my cute Definitely Not Bondage Stuff storage bag!

Handcuffs

  • Handcuffs are hot for fantasy role plays where handcuffs are an accessory to the character. Be sure to keep the key nearby but safely out of getting lost in the sheets. 
  • Handcuffs come with risks - the wrist can easily be injured if the bottom is struggling, being moved around or put in positions where there is pressure on their wrists - like being hitched to a bed. If these are your fantasies, try padded cuffs. 
  • Look for handcuffs that don’t continue to close and tighten around the wrist.
  • Check out Double Duty Cuffs - handmade leather cuffs that can be worn discreetly and then used as handcuffs. 

Ankle/Wrist Cuffs

  • Ankle and wrist restraints provide padding to the delicate areas around the wrist and ankles and they don’t cinch like rope. 
  • They close up with buckles or velcro instead of knots or a key, making them easy to quickly release the bottom. I like this pair: CAD or USD.
  • Under-the-bed restraint systems with cuffs attached can be tucked under the mattress and pulled out when you’re in a bondage mood. Build your sex room with this one: CAD or USD.

Bondage Tape

Bondage tape (CAD or USD) is incredibly versatile and inexpensive. It sticks to itself, so you don’t have to worry about it ripping out hair. It can also be used as a blindfold and a gag! 

Beginner Bondage Ideas

It can be great to start exploring a new type of play by taking small steps. Here are a few ways to ease yourself into new BDSM adventures:

  1. Explore familiar sexy activities with a twist. Try tying legs open during oral sex or hands behind the back during kissing. 
  2. Set a bondage date. When trying something new, sometimes there’s a lot of nerves and expectations. Setting a specific sexy date for bondage allows you to focus on this type of sex and leave behind expectations of your go-to sexy menu. 
  3. Get in the bondage mood with a restraints playlist or candles. 
  4. Explore sensual bondage. Sensual bondage helps slow everything down and get both partners out of their head and into the moment. 

My Beginner Bondage Bundle Collab with Unicorn Collaborators!

When experimenting with new sexy skills, it can be easy to get in our heads. With practice, communication, and being gentle on yourself you’ll build bondage confidence.

Want to learn more? I’ve got 30+ On Demand webinars to help you build confidence and skill in and out of the bedroom. 

Check out BDSM 101, How to Have Rough Sex, or Delicious Dominance Skills for more kinky education and fun!

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