How do you initiate sex?

Initiating sex with your partner can be a challenging task, especially if you're feeling shy or ashamed of your sexuality. But being able to communicate your desires and connect with your partner is an essential aspect of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. In this blog post, I'll share five ways to initiate intimacy with your partner, no matter your experience level. As a sex and pleasure educator with over 15 years of experience helping individuals and couples build communication skills in and out of the bedroom, I'm here to offer tips and practices that will help you connect with your partner in a positive and supportive way.

1. Start with a compliment

Initiating sexual connection can be as simple as starting with a compliment. When you express admiration for your partner, it shows them that you value them and appreciate their presence. Compliments can help break the ice and create a positive atmosphere that can lead to more intimate moments. For example, "You look amazing today," or "I love the way you laugh" can be a great way to get started. Try compliments that are specific instead of generic, engage your senses (can you compliment how they touch, feel, look, smell?), use a mix of physical and non-physical compliments and make them genuine.

2. Plan a date night

Planning a date night is an excellent way to create a romantic and intimate atmosphere. It doesn't have to be an elaborate affair; it can be as simple as cooking dinner together, watching a movie, or taking a walk. Creating a space where you can connect with your partner can help you relax and open up to each other. For super sexy date night ideas, try sex toy or lingerie shopping (in-person or online) together, using massage candles on each other, exploring roleplay or kink. Take turns planning the date nights. 

3. Try a new activity together

Trying a new activity together can help you create a bond with your partner. Whether it's going to a dance class, trying a new hobby, or taking a cooking class, trying something new can be a great way to connect and share a new experience. Learn a new sexy skill with one of my 30+ on-demand classes.

4. Use nonverbal cues

Sometimes, words aren't necessary to initiate sex. Using nonverbal cues can be an effective way to communicate your desires to your partner. For example, holding hands, shoulder kisses, non-sexual massages, preparing a sexy candlelit shower for your partner, or making eye contact can be powerful ways to express intimacy. If you only give affection to initiate sex, your partner might feel pressured. Use non-sexual affection to keep the flirting alive even if you aren’t trying to initiate sex.

5. Be honest and direct

Finally, being honest and direct about your desires can be the most effective way to initiate intimacy. It can be challenging to open up, but being vulnerable with your partner can lead to a deeper connection. Don't be afraid to tell your partner what you want, and ask them what they want as well. Honest communication is the foundation of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If you feel too direct or associate initiating sex with being dominant, ask your partner to do something to you. For example, ‘I’d love to feel your lips on my neck’

Initiating sex can feel intimidating. You might worry about making your partner feel pressured or experiencing rejection or coming across awkward. Let your partner know you’re trying to initiate more and you’re excited about it, but you’re also nervous about some things. Give them a chance to empathise and support you.  Remember that everyone experiences intimacy differently, and there's no right or wrong way to initiate it. Ask your partner how they’d like you to ask to have sex or how to put them in a sexy headspace. Come up with ideas together! The key is to communicate honestly, be open to trying new things, and most importantly, enjoy the pleasure journey together.