69ing is a style of oral sex where you are head to toe with your partner.

Usually you’re both giving oral and manual stimulation to genitals and/or anuses at the same time. Sounds hot right? It can be, but it can also inspire feelings of body shame or performance anxiety. You might be excited to 69 but also have worries like:

  • Will I be able to cum in 69? 
  • Can I make my partner cum in 69? 
  • What if I’m too heavy to be on top? 
  • What if my partner doesn’t like how I taste or smell?

It’s easy to get in your head about all the possible things that could go wrong with 69. And it can also be exciting to explore without expectations other than having fun. 

6 Reasons 69ing can be hot: 

  • Skin contact. 69 positions allow for a lot of skin to skin contact. This can increase feelings of sensuality, intimacy and relaxation. 
  • Simultaneous pleasure. Some people love 69ing because there’s an opportunity to give and receive pleasure especially oral sex at the same time - this dual stimulation can feel incredible (or it can feel overwhelming). 
  • Super sensation rich. There’s a lot of sensation in 69, some people enjoy feeling 
  • Mixing up oral sex. It’s a great way to mix up oral sex from the usual go-to positions. overwhelmed by their partner’s bodies, scent and juices.
  • Fantasy. 69 can be a fulfillment of an erotic fantasy or a part of a roleplay that involves an erotic power exchange.
  • Intense orgasms. Orgasming in 69 can be really intense for both people because of all the stimulation throughout and after orgasm. Some people love being so close and connected when their partner orgasms, adding to the intensity of the position.

Some reasons 69ing can be not-so-hot:

  • Distracting. It can be distracting to give and receive pleasure at the same time, especially if you aren’t super comfortable receiving oral in the first place or if you worry about your own skills in giving oral - it’s easy to get stuck in your head during 69. It can also be harder to orgasm for some folks in this position due to the need to focus on only one thing at a time in order to climax.
  • Too much stimulation. 69 is a lot of stimulation at once from giving and receiving oral - this can make some people feel overwhelmed and steal from their ability to sink into sensations of pleasure.
  • Awkward. If you are different heights and body shapes, 69 can make it hard to reach each other’s genitals with your mouths at the same time. Some people also find it’s hard to communicate in this position because you’re far away from your partner’s face. 
  • Body shame. Body insecurities can come up during 69. The person on top might worry about their weight on the partner who is on the bottom, and this can be distracting from the sensations happening. Society has also taught us a lot of shame around the taste, scent and feel of genitals, especially vulvas - so for some people having their vulva smushed on someone’s face can bring up feelings of body shame.
  • Too intense. It can feel too intense to be on the bottom and not have much control of the depth of a partner’s penis into your mouth (and some find that an exciting feeling too). If this is the case, try being on top or side-by-side instead, asking your partner to not rock their hips, to have more control of the depth of penetration. 

4 ways to make 69 hotter:

  1. Shared 69. It still counts as 69 if you aren’t doing things simultaneously! Try using your hand if your partner’s genitals aren’t in reach or your mouth is tired. You can also alternate by being an active giver and an active receiver, especially if this makes it easier to orgasm. 
  2. Use pillows. Body weight or size don’t have to determine who is on top and who is on the bottom. Try putting a pillow under the bottom person’s head and/or pelvis to raise their body closer to the person on top. 
  3. Communicate. Tune into non-verbal ways of communicating; like listening to your partner’s breath or moans, watching their toes curl, feeling them grind their pelvis, or interpreting their grip on your body with your hands. You can also establish ways of non-verbal communication beforehand - like tapping on their thighs or squeezing a noise maker. 
  4. Side 69. Try side-by-side 69 where there is no weight on the other; you can even relax your head on your partner’s thigh. 

Tips for using sex toys during 69:

Sex toys are great for 69 because it gives you more range of sensation and stimulation options other than your mouth and hands. Hold toys against your partner with your hand while giving oral or use them when you’re taking breaks with your mouth to mix up the pleasure sensations. Here are some of my fav toys:

  • Remote controlled/bluetooth toys add an extra element of control and hands-free pleasure. Try prostate massagers (my fav USD / CAD) or internal vaginal vibrators (I like these USD / CAD).
  • Add a butt plug to include anal pleasure (plug optios USD / CAD)
  • Using dildos (like this one USD / CAD) or internal vibrators (shop USD / CAD) can provide a kind of penetrative pleasure that fingers or tongues can’t give in 69. 
  • Holding an external vibrator against your partner's clitoris or on their perineum can be exciting (this minimalist vibe USD / CAD).
  • Remember to use lube with or without toys. There are a number of great water-based (shop USD / CAD), silicone (shop USD / CAD), or oil-based (shop here) lubes available. Spit isn’t enough to keep the optimal textures that benefit our genitals for pleasure. And use a flavoured lube (shop USD / CAD) if you want to add to your partner’s taste. 
  • Cock rings are great for helping to strengthen and maintain erections which is great for people who might not be erect during 69 and other positions where they are on their back. Shop USD / CAD.

Orgasm doesn’t have to be a goal of 69, so taking the pressure off of it allows 69 to also be a position for fun, intimacy, playfulness, relaxation and pleasure. It might be a position that you warm up in and move to another position for orgasm.

Want to learn how to Get More Pleasure Out of Giving? Read more on my blog.

 And, if you’re looking for more sexy skills to enhance your experience of 69ing, check out my 30+ on-demand sex education webinars. Especially my webinars on Face Sitting, Sexual Confidence, and how to get Out of Your Head and Back to Your Body

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