Surprise! there are no 'real' daddy doms.
Whether you're a Daddy, an aspiring daddy or a daddy admirer - read on to bust some Daddy Roleplay myths!
There are LOTS of dominants who have experience in this fantasy but little skill about how to navigate, negotiate and get creative. Most of us got our fantasy education from porn - which is the performance of fantasy. when we take our skills into play outside of porn, it can be confusing about how to surrender power and how to take control.
Who’s a Daddy?
Daddy archetypes show up in sex work culture with sugar daddies. Sugar daddies are still usually older, dominant, and masculine but there is an explicit financial caretaking agreement with their partner.
Queer kinksters have opened up gender stereotypes to make space for daddies of all genders and gender expressions, like femme daddies and butch daddies. We see more trans and nonbinary kinksters as well as cis women in leather Daddy culture too.
What do Daddies have in common?
What all daddies share is an expression of paternal power with a partner who enjoys surrendering to that. Daddy relationships can be sexual, non-sexual, emotional, relational, or all of these. Daddy play is infinitely creative, from the ways in which Daddy is expressed in relationships to the diverse desires of Daddy admirers. Some people’s Daddy play will begin and end with Daddy dirty talk, while others want more intense play and darker characteristics of Daddy, such as ‘mean Daddy’ or ‘strict Daddy.’
Daddy fantasies are popularly talked about as dominant fantasies, but daddy fantasies can have no power exchange or you can have a submissive daddy.
Being 'naturally dominant' doesn't automatically make you a good daddy dom.
Being demanding, selfish, rough or calling you 'baby girl' doesn't mean you're automatically someone's daddy dom. Daddy dom is a specific dynamic that is played out with a consensual partner, and in a scenario where you both know what to expect and what you're consenting too. Take my Daddy Roleplay Skills webinar to build communication, sexy and scene-building skills.
Do I have to be masculine to be a Daddy?
Nope. And you don't have to be a cis man to be masculine. You can bring whatever daddy energy you and your partner want.
- What vibes or moods make you feel like a daddy?
- What attributes turn your partner on about daddy play?
- How does masculinity make you feel?
Are all Daddy Doms into ageplay?
Nope. Even if your fantasy is about roleplaying 'daddy' as a family authority, you don't have to use infantilization or age regression. If you are into ageplay, discuss with your partner what that might look like and how it fits with their fantasies.
- If you are into ddlg - do you enjoy your partner feeling small, helpless, adoring, bratty, etc?
- How do you want your sub to express their submission? e.g. etiquette, discipline, pet names, behaviours
Do Daddy Doms have the final say?
Nope. Everyone has to agree what's on and off the menu. You rcreate sensations of powerlessness by co-creating.
- The power you consent to giving or receiving has to be clear.
- Use a safe system. Safe systems aren't just about consent - they are about feedback and pleasure.
Do I have daddy issues?
Maybe? Kinks don't always have to follow a pathology of trauma.
- We live in a paternalistic society, we all can experience the influence of patriarchy and trauma in our bodies and imaginations.
- Reflect and think about how power has influenced you and especially how it subconsciously might be present in your daddy roleplay.
Is all daddy play about roughness & punishment?
Nope. The fantasy can be sensual, silly, intense, mild, playful, tender - whatever you are in the mood for.
Developing your confidence, technique skills and communication systems are important for any intensity level of play.
How do I be a great Daddy?
Being a great Daddy takes practice, self-awareness and ability to communicate with your partner. Here's where you can start:
- Ask this question every single time.
- Get really good at communication. What aftercare are you able to provide? What do you need to trust someone? What language will you use?
- Build self-awareness. When do you lose confidence? What do you look like when you're having a great time/not having a good time?
- Practice and learn skills in consensual power exchange. Take one of my 30+ On-Demand Sexy Skills webinars and get techniques so you can feel confident in your Daddy-bilities.